i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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