By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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