plz talk dirty to me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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