i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hippo gnu deer
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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