Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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