he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
is it fun? or sober?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
