I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
