please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
