i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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