A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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