well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
