In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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