Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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