He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
