what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
