i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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