i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
last night I used snow as a chaser
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
