it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
