The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
