I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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