you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
