I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
