I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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