he shaved USA in his pubs
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
