look no pants
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
