is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
