Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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