I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
