My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
