But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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