he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
