i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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