i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
