I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
