sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
