all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
