Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
