feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
