KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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