he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
