Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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