I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
