He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
