He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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