I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
