I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
