come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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