If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
