wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
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I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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