Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
