I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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