its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
