cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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