Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
