let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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