I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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