So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
