The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
