Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
