There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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